Let Romantic Gestures Come Organically

romanticMost women really like when a man does a romantic gesture just for them. Whether it is sending flowers to her work, opening the car door, or telling her she is beautiful.

These gestures tend to come more frequently at the beginning of the relationship then as things progress they happen less often. As things progress she tends to get impatient with the amount of gestures she is getting or the amount of time in between each gesture.

She likes the reassurance, the ability to brag how great he is to her friends. When the gestures fade she starts to make comments to him more often such as “why can’t you just bring me flowers” or “it would be nice if you brought me a surprise gift once in awhile”.

While it can be frustrating when you are not feeling like you are getting enough attention, telling the guy that you want something over and over either deters him from actually doing it or he does it, but just to shut you up (see. not from his heart).

Neither of these things are what you are looking for are they?

You want him to do it so you are reassured that he feels the same way about you as you do about him.  However trying to get it in this fashion, no matter how frustrated you get, does not prove he loves you at all… and I have a little secret for you… HE KNOWS YOU WANT THAT STUFF!… any guy who’s had at least one girlfriend before you or even watched a a few romcom knows girls like that stuff. He is just not interested in doing it constantly because he knows he loves you and doesn’t feel compelled to prove it every day.

To clarify I am not saying you shouldn’t say “I think its nice to get flowers”, or “my favorite flowers are sunflowers”, if you like, but only once or twice at most. There is nothing wrong with letting him know you would appreciate such a gesture…but once or twice and he will get the point. What he chooses to do with that information is up to him. He may listen he may not. He may listen but not buy you flowers for 8 months, be patient. He is not stupid… he just likes to pretend he is. Romance is not pressuring someone into paying for overpriced flowers because you complained so much that he couldn’t take it anymore.

Gestures mean more when he comes up with them completely on his own and unless he is a complete flake, he will if you give him a chance. It might not be as fast or as frequent as you would like but it will be true.

The other catch to this is, if you are not getting stop giving! Because her relationship is at most times in the forefront of her mind she tends to give more in general than him. She will make him big fancy meals, pick him up something she thinks he would enjoy while shopping, and make him coffee every morning. While these things are very nice; moderation is key. If you are constantly doing things for him and he is not reciprocating at a level you expect, cut it off or cut it down. It’s not easy but I have done it and the benefits are doubled.

Now once you finally get your romantic gesture, even something as small as tidying up a bit while you are out with your girlfriends, BE THANKFUL. Overly thankful is even better! Men love being being told they did good. Who doesn’t!? So if you want more gestures like that say thank you and at least sound like you mean it every.single.time. He will be encouraged to do that again or do something else like that again because he likes feeling appreciated.

Don’t be picky with what you get either. Let me remind you again the point of these gestures is to show love from the heart so if he finally picks you up something he thought you would like and it is a super ugly scarf, or figurine, or something, wear it or display it proudly. When I hear about women returning gifts that drives me nuts. He is going to just stop getting you anything, its emasculating. Use your manners and accept the gift for the thought if you really don’t like it. By the way this pet peeve is the same for the ring but that’s a whole different discussion for another day.

The moral of the story.. give him the benefit of the doubt… he may just surprise you.. This past weekend me and my prince were out at a karaoke bar.. I wrote on one of the request papers “I feel like we are going to be famous”.. Drunkenly, and kind of not thinking because we fantasize about being famous all the time, he ripped it up and said “Ya ya I know that already”.

Now I had 2 choices here. I could have got pissy, mopped around, and started a fight… or I could let it go, act like it didn’t annoy the shit out of me, and continue on having a fun night. I did the second one.

Shortly after I got up to go to the washroom. When I came back he handed me something. It was the taped up little pieces of paper that he ripped up. He actually went to the bar and got tape from the bartender to tape it back together. Realizing himself that ripping it up was so not cool.

I didn’t have to say one thing and I ended up getting a super organic gesture that cost nothing, but was so thoughtful, that it meant everything.

If you want to keep you prince, Stop acting like a princess

Ash.

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