So you used to have an amazing relationship with a man who you love but recently things just aren’t the same. Maybe there has been one too many arguments, he won’t fully commit the way you want him to, or one (or both) of you have cheated. Should you cut your losses and find someone who treats you right or should you work on what you have and try and rekindle the romance.
The answer to this ultimately comes down to if you believe him to be “the One”. Oh the illustrious one… you always hear them say “when you’ve found the one you just know” and I tend to agree with this statement. The one is not the definition of perfection but he is perfect for you.
Still not sure? This will help.
There are 2 important parts to your relationship; 1. is ultimate compatibility and 2. is day-to-day compatibility. To know if he is the one you need to determine if you are ultimately compatible. The day-to-day stuff you can work on, but if you are just mismatched for each other, that’s probably the reason why things are burning out.
You can determine ultimate compatibility in 3 ways. Think.Think.Feel
One. Think of all the things you HATED about your exes (if it was a minor annoyance it doesn’t count.) Things that could apply are; complained every time about visiting your family or listened to music you absolutely can’t stand, or was mean to your friends. Now think does my current man do any of these things? The one for you should meet your non-negotiables. If family and friends and music are super important to you like they are to me then the “one” for you needs to already have the attributes already built in.
Two. Think of big stuff like your stance on children, spirituality, marriage, and overall lifestyle. These things do not need to match if you’re okay with that and if these things are truly open ended for both of you than that’s good too. But if you’re really not okay with it and are just hoping his stance might change, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
Three. Feel… what does your gut tell you? Are you really happy? Are you as happy as you imagined you would be when you met the one? Does he lift you up after a hard day? Does he stand up for you? Does he make you laugh? Does he make you feel trusted? Can you be yourself around him? Does he make you feel positive or drain all the energy out of you?
Finally there are 3 words of wisdom from the parents in my life that have helped me through my relationships and I hope will help you.
“Sometimes there will be someone in your life who just grabs you” Sometimes you will come across a person who just grabs you, shakes you, and turns your whole world upside down. You will go through life not being able to think or see straight for a few good months at least. Those people you need to pay attention to. You can’t deny them. They affect you in that way for a reason. Maybe they are the one, maybe they are just the one to teach you something.
“You have to stay and stay until you are really ready to leave” I have never left a relationship until I was completely ready to leave. My friends could have said I was crazy, my parents could’ve hated him, we could have broken up a million times, and I always stayed until I fell out of love. I have never had regrets in love. Each relationship taught me a lot. Each time I went back there was good and there was bad. I never regretted it because it all got me to where I am today.
“Never settle” This is an important one. Settling for someone you know deep down is not right for you is starving yourself of the happiness you really deserve. Attributes that are settling for one person may not mean settling for another, they are your non-negotiables, things that are important to you. If you feel like you are settling for someone who is less than perfect for you than you already know what you need to do.
P.S. Need help deciding? Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org